What do you know about low sexual desire in men? There are lots of myths around about what causes this sometimes very frustrating problem, but few people know the truth about low sexual desire in men. Check your own knowledge against the facts below.
Myth #1: Low Desire Is Caused by Low Testosterone
Currently there are plenty of ads on how taking testosterone can perk up a man's sexual desire. But does this always work? No. The fact is that sexual desire is complicated in both men and women. Also, I find myself working with men who are prescribed testosterone who could probably get the same or better effect naturally by losing weight, beefing up muscles, and cooling it with the recreational drugs and alcohol, which suppress testosterone production. I have also worked with men who diligently apply testosterone (it's prescribed as a gel that must be put on liberally and allowed about 10 minutes to dry, without any skin-to-skin contact with others) and have almost zero effect. Hormones may help with metabolism and other functions, but hormones are generally not a complete treatment for psychological problems.
Myth #2: Only Old Men Lose Desire
Definitely not true. Even men in their 20s can experience a dip in desire due to any number of factors, including health, psychological state, family and relationship issues, and so forth. If low desire persists in a young man, and he is aware of a major change, then he should have both a medical and psychological check-up.
Myth #3: All Men Have a High Drive
False. Pretty much all human behavior falls along a bell curve, with the "hump" of the bell being where most people are, and the "tails" of the bell being those who are have a bit more or less of that behavior. Both men and women fall somewhere within the curve in terms of levels of desire. Thus, there are men and women with very high desire, and men and women with fairly low desire. In other words, it is normal for some men to be on the low side in terms of their interest in sex, but that doesn't make them abnormal. Often problems happen because of a mismatch in desire. It isn't unusual for a man to state that his previous partners were satisfied with frequency of sexual activity, but in this relationship, things aren't working. Partners need to accept that one may have lower desire, but not lower love, which is perhaps most important.
Myth #4: If He Has Low Desire, He Must Be Angry
This is true some of the time. Men are sometimes very angry at their partner, but don't realize it until they have the time and space to reflect on their relationship (that's what the therapy office is for). That's when they learn that they are withholding sex as a punishment–never a great way of coping with uncomfortable, angry feelings. But there are other feelings, too, that can undermine desire, including sadness, worry, frustration, stress, and so forth. Sometimes men don't have anyone to share these feelings with, and if their partner is feeling the same way, they don't want to add to their burden. But it cannot be assumed that a man is angry if his drive is low; he might have other not-so-sexy feelings, too. Therapy is a great place to work out such feelings and regain interest in sex and other pleasures of life.
Myth #5: Alcohol Enhances Sexual Desire
I saw a funny sign at a garden center: Wine makes my clothes fall off! It is true that drinking a bit of alcohol can loosen up inhibitions and make sex enjoyable. However, alcohol is also a depressant. And it isn't just mood that gets depressed–it's everything, including sexual desire. Remember, substances are systemic. Alcohol isn't targeted to just one part of the brain, it affects the entire brain. Sexual desire starts in the brain, in the mind. If the brain activity is numbed due to alcohol, then sexual desire is numbed as well. Men rarely believe me when I tell them that they can improve desire by putting a plug in the jug. You know what that's called? Denial!
How did your knowledge match up? If you already knew about most of these myths, congratulations! You know more than most people about men's sexual desire.