You've gone through all your promises to yourself for 2013: spend more time with the family or friends, save more money for retirement, lose weight or workout or eat more healthily, ask for a raise, etc. But have you made any relationship resolutions yet? If not, this is a good time to tune-up your relationship so that you end 2013 more in love than you were in 2012. Here are some suggestions to do now to create the desired result.
- Focus on your own character. In case you have't noticed, it is very difficult to get someone else to change. If your partner annoys you with a harmless habit, focus on being more tolerant. If your partner picks fights, refuse to take the bait. Identify what your partner does that you don't like, and develop a different outlook that helps you see the way they operate with compassion and even humor. Try it!
- Make plans for fun. Not much in life just happens. If you want something, you need to figure out how to make it so. Does your partner like to rove around museums? Scan the Sunday paper for exhibits. Do you want to go to more concerts? Sign up for an email alert at your favorite venue and buy tickets. Like movies? Make a point of looking at reviews on Friday and pick one. If you do fun things with your partner, you are more likely to feel closer–and sex will happen organically from the pleasure you have spending time together.
- Make plans for sex. I know, I know, everyone wants sex to be spontaneous. Yet, the number one complaint in my office is probably lack of time. Everybody is dog paddling away just trying to keep head above water. So if that describes you, how do you think romantic moments happen in the middle of that activity? Answer: They don't. You have to make them happen. See above, or have an unstated agreement that sex happens regularly at certain times, e.g., Thursday nights or Sunday mornings. Then come up with fun ways to initiate sex, instead of waiting for the mood to strike.
- Be a good roommate. If you are married or cohabitating, then act like someone you, yourself, would like to live with. If you want a partner who does dishes, then do dishes. If you want a partner who makes breakfast, make breakfast. Do all the things you would like done for you. Then, when you ask your partner to do them for you–surprise! They will.
- Be compassionate. Remember, you have failings too. No one is perfect. Look at your partner as being a work in progress. Make suggestions, if you must, but keep unsolicited advice to a minimum. Support what your partner is trying to do and criticize as little as possible.
You can have a delightful 2013 if you follow these suggestions. Start them today, review them weekly, then monthly, and see if your relationship doesn't improve!