What do the television show "Glee" and my book, Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple's Guide to Staying Connected have in common? Last night, choir director Will Schuster almost didn't go through with his marriage proposal to prissy guidance counselor Emma Pillsbury because she has obsessive compulsive disorder. In fact, it is her parents who decline to give Will permission to marry Emma because they think that he will tire of her mental illness and leave her. He wonders how Emma will manage her job, marriage and, eventually, a baby with the burden of OCD.
When one member of a couple has OCD, it does create challenges. OCD is an anxiety disorder in which a person gets stuck in a groove in which they need to perform some act to avoid a feeling of panic or dread. A common compulsive behavior is checking locks and doors before leaving the house. I once treated someone who took a full hour to check everything before he and his wife could leave on vacation. Another common compulsion is to keep everything spotless.
Can you imagine trying to have sex with someone who is so worried about whether or not they shut off everything in the kitchen that they are unable to relax? Or with someone who is terrified of getting bodily fluids and hair on the sheets?It may sound a little silly, but when it's real, it is anything but. When cases of OCD are extreme, marriages do get destroyed.
In my book Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple's Guide to Staying Connected, I discuss the impact of anxiety disorders like OCD on relationships and how to overcome obstacles, including overcoming side effects of psychotropic medications used to treat them. Minimizing stress and developing patience are part of the role of the partner. Figuring out how to make sex sexy rather than upsetting is another goal. This may mean scheduling sex, taking showers and brushing teeth, and creating rituals for relaxation. In other words, don't fight the OCD, but work with it to make the partner with OCD comfortable.
Fortunately, at the end of "Glee," Will decides that his feelings for Emma and her willingness to continue treatment win out over the mental illness and he proposes to her in grand style. When she says yes, it's a triumph of love over disease. Let's hope that the couple can learn to live with OCD, coping in ways that make it possible to have a happily ever after life.