Dirty Dozen: 12 Big Sex Mistakes Every Man Should Avoid

by | Apr 9, 2009 | Great Sex for Men

Bigstockphoto_Sad_Young_Man_2241074 When your job is to listen to people's sexual difficulties, you start to pick up on certain patterns.  One of those patterns are the mistakes that many men make when it comes to understanding not only a woman's sexuality, but their own.  Curious?  Let me save you some trouble and just tell you straight out what these mistakes are.

  1. Going for the "golden triangle" without any foreplay.  Nipple, nipple, genitals–that's what one client called her "golden triangle."  She didn't see her body that way, she felt her partner did because he was attracted to her erogenous zones the moment they got into bed.  Now, there are some women who are okay with that, but most prefer a warm up.  A warm up helps a woman to relax and prepares her for more erotic touch.
  2. Expecting a woman to lubricate the same way, in the same quantity, every time you have sex.  Some men take it very personally when they make love to their partner and her vagina is still rather dry.  A man can go so far as to believe his partner is rejecting him.  But lots of things can hamper lubrication: hormones, stress, the time of month.  So stop worrying, and keep a bottle of lube by the bed.
  3. A hard penis means that you are aroused.  No, it doesn't.  That's why some men have difficulty having an orgasm.  Just because you are hard, means that your penis was stimulated.  If you want to be aroused, tell your partner what kind of touch you need and where in order to get turned on, stay hard, and have a better orgasm.
  4. Contraception is a woman's responsibility.  This is an old story, but of course men still find themselves in situations with an unwanted pregnancy.  Never assume a woman is using contraception, or that her contraception is reliable.  The same goes for protection from STDs.
  5. All women lose interest in sex.  Hey, men lose interest, too, if things get stale.  The way to keep a woman interested in sex is to learn what she likes–and remember it.
  6. Going on and on and on and on.  It's a myth that lasting a long time makes for good sex.  Lasting long enough to make sex feel good is more important.  A lot of women whose partners last 15 or 20 or 30 minutes complain that they start getting bored.
  7. Someone in the room has to have an erection for sex to take place.  That just puts undue pressure on yourself to perform.  If you are tired or stressed and just can't become erect, but your partner wants sex,


you can still provide cuddling, caressing, and manual and oral stimulation to her.

  • Sex is best if you drink first.  Drinking alcohol to relax before sex isn't a bad idea.  It's just that after a certain point there is a diminishing return.  Have a drink or two, but not half a case of beer.  Not only will drinking too much affect your ability to perform, but no woman really finds a half-drunk lover all that sexy.
  • Looking at porn has no effect on your relationship.  If your partner hasn't complained, then you might be right.  But if your partner has noticed that you aren't fully present when you get between the sheets with her, and instead of focusing on her you're focusing on the stuff you looked at last night, she's probably onto something.  Moderate viewing.
  • Falling asleep immediately after sex.  Yes, you're exhausted.  And sometimes, it's true, it can't be helped.  After all, men do release a hormone after sex that makes them sleepy.  But you can spare a minute or two or three to give your partner a cuddle, a kiss, and an encouraging comment or declaration of affection before you go off to dreamland.
  • Sloppy kissing.  You'd be amazed at how many women complain that their partner doesn't know how to kiss.  Stymied?  You can read a book like The Art of Kissing, watch a movie with great kissing scenes, or just experiment with your partner to find out what she enjoys.
  • Becoming a jackhammer.  It might feel good to you to hammer away at your partner's vagina (or mouth).  But treating your partner like she's an artificial orifice is no way to gain your way into her heart–or another lovemaking session any time soon.  

    • There are plenty of other mistakes men make.  Women, your list is coming next.  Any other ideas?  Please leave a comment so that others may learn.