The couples that come into my office at The Buehler Institute for help are, unfortunately, good at bad sex. After seeing them first as a couple, I usually then meet with them one on one. That's when they open up and tell me truths like these:
- She just doesn't respond, she just lies there and "lets me" touch her.
- He doesn't say anything, I don't even know when he's climaxed.
- When he kisses me, I practically drown.
- She makes me beg for sex for days before she gives in!
How boring and sad. Don't couples realize that they have to work at having great sex? What I mean is, you can't expect sex to be any good if
you don't put any effort into it. Maybe couples think that if the spark doesn't naturally occur, it means it's time to throw in the towel (or the bed sheet, as the case may be).
Of course your partner's body becomes familiar to you over time. Of course your partner's moves are going to become repetitive.
But that familiarity is to be cherished. It means that you are comfortable with each other.
Let that comfort be a signal that it's time to push the boundaries, to go to the edge. Comfort isn't boring. Comfort is love and security.
You can be the most vulnerable during sex if you're comfortable. You can try new things. You can let your partner know what you want.
There's no need to become discouraged if the passion is gone. That's why I wrote my upcoming book, Sex & Passion – The Essential Guide, Now and Forever. Be sure to sign up for The Blog Erotic feed so that you know when the book is available.