In a post last week, I listed a few reasons that sex goes sour in the marital bed (or in any long-term relationship). Today, I thought I'd focus on the third reason, that couples think that if they love one another, the sex will just be good, no thought or communication involved.
As is often the case, love helps, but that's not the only thing that matters when it comes to having good, satisfying sex. Sad but true, lots of people have good sex without one iota of love involved. Some people even think that "stranger sex" is better than sex with someone you know (though if your sex life with your committed partner is good, that probably isn't true).
Also, if you base how good the sex is going to be on how you feel about one another, you can become pretty devastated if sex becomes dull or wears thin.
I think it's better to judge sex (if it's going to be judged at all–that's a whole other topic) on its own merit. Were the two of you tuned into each other's wants and needs? Did you show a physical and emotional response? Did you allow yourself to trust your partner? Did you switch the roles of giver and receiver in a way that felt good to you both?
Maybe that's why it's called "making love," not "making sex" or "making orgasms." When you use sex to express your feelings of caring, you create feelings of love. So if you think about it . . . maybe good sex equals good love!