When someone hates sex, they truly find it disgusting. They might grin and bear it when they have sex, or avoid it altogether. Hating sex is a serious problem. Sex therapists call hatred of sex a sexual aversion.
What Is a Sexual Aversion?
A sexual aversion can be to an act like oral sex; an odor like semen; or a sensation, such as saliva during kissing. An aversion can also be to a body part, such as the partner’s genitals; or even a sound, such as a partner’s moan.
The aversion can happen only at certain times, or it might happen all the time. For example, a woman may enjoy sex but not enjoy kissing, so she would be said to have an aversion to kissing. On the other hand, a man might find any body odor so disgusting that they avoid sex altogether.
Recognizing Sexual Aversion
Some signs of sexual aversion include:
- Avoiding sexual thoughts, acts, or feelings
- Physical symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, and trembling
- Problems with relationships because of the aversion
- Use of alcohol and drugs to cover up the aversion
Is Sexual Aversion the Same as Low Desire?
Someone who hates sex is sometimes dragged into therapy by their partner. Often, sexual aversion looks like low desire. However, the hatred becomes clear through statements such as, “I’d rather eat dirt than have sex,” or having symptoms after sex like a migraine.
Though they may try to hide their aversion not to hurt their partner’s feelings, they may only be able to cover it up for so long before their partner—and the therapist—catches on.
What Else Can It Be?
Sometimes there is a different problem that needs to be treated. For example, a woman who is obsessive may be able to have sex, but not until she and her partner have showered, changed the sheets, set the thermostat at the right temperature, and so on.
Another problem happens when sex is painful. A woman may like everything about sex except intercourse because it is uncomfortable; she will need to see a physican for help. Sadly, sometimes a dislike of sex happens because of past trauma, which needs a different type of treatment altogether.
Sex Therapy for Sexual Aversion
Hatred of sex can be treated, usually with sex therapy. A sex therapist is a licensed psychotherapist (psychologist, marriage and family therapist, social worker, or licensed professional counselor) who has taken special training to help people with sexual problems.
The sex therapist will often see the person with sexual aversion with their partner so that they can talk openly about what is happening. The sex therapist will also talk about beliefs about sex being bad or gross and how to overcome them. The therapist will also help the person with sexual aversion to relax and become more comfortable with sex.
The most important thing is that the couple treats one another with kindness and compassion. No one asks to grow up hating sex. In this way, the person may overcome not only their hatred of sex, but also get closer to their partner, feel better self-esteem, and enjoy one of life’s pleasures.