My guess is that you are unaware that May is Mental Health Month, even if you or someone you know has a mental illness such as panic attacks, bipolar disorder, depression, ADD, an eating disorder, a substance use problem, etc. That's because, let's face it, mental illness is not a sexy topic. Not as sexy as breast cancer (which is currently much more curable than other forms of cancer, such as ovarian cancer). Not as sexy as erectile dysfunction, for which there is more medication prescribed than almost any other malady.
Which is all the more odd because what if at least some percentage of mental illnesses can be attributed to sexual problems? Most people think that mental disorders and sexual problems are unrelated, but in fact sexual problems can play a complex role in the formation of mental disorders. And if our cultural were more open in how we thought about sex, we might more readily see it.
In my newly published book, Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected I discuss both the effect of mental health on sexuality, and the effect of sexuality on mental health. For example:
- A man might be depressed because of years of struggling with erectile dysfunction
- A woman's normal sexual fantasies may upset her and cause anxiety; the original fantasies are forgotten, but the anxiety remains
- Another man admits he started drinking at a young age so that he could overcome his premature ejaculation and fears about his sexual performance; now he is a recovering alcoholic, fearful of "sober sex"
- Someone's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder makes it difficult to focus during sex, so that his ejaculation is delayed
I could relay countless examples where mental illness–not brain chemistry, not loss, not genetics–is the cause and / or the result of sexual problems.
The point? Your sexual health is part of, not apart from, your mental health. Sexual health–the ability to enjoy sexual activities and pleasure without shame or guilt–can lead to a feeling of well-being and wholeness, connection and satisfaction. An orgasm can life one's mood, help with stress, make physical pain more bearable, and even count as an aerobic activity. You owe it to your overall health–mind and body–to have both sound mental and sexual health.