I'll spare you the suspense–the winner is, the romantic couple in the long-term. But what the heck is the diff between a passionate couple, a romantic couple, and a couple that are "just friends"? After all, all couples need to be friends. But a couple that has no passion will be unhappy. And not everyone appreciates romance.
A pair of researchers state in Science Digest today that passionate couples are less likely to be happy in the long run because they often have conflict and are "obsessive," which isn't exactly healthy, and can't be sustained. But it's okay, I think, to be a little "nuts" about your partner, don't you?
Anyway, as I stated on The Buehler Institute blog, I think what people want from a relationship is to experience, at least at times, the passion that they once experienced. And I don't think that's too much to ask. It is surprising to me that the researchers don't make a connection that a romantic couple is more likely to have passionate sex.
Hmm, could it be the definitions that are a bit off-kilter? Sometimes in research, the variables are not as well defined as they could be. I think "romantic" and "passionate" are terms that are frequently interchangeable. Romance can lead to passion, and passion, to romance.
The idea that passionate couples burnout, however, isn't new. Passionate couples really are often conflictual; the fear that their partner could become unavailable keeps each partner off balance.
My guess is that romantic couples are couples that treat one another with tenderness, and that have sentiment about their history together. Romantic couples remember things about their partner, and show that. They aren't afraid to demonstrate that they have loving feelings about one another. They are the ones that do "little things," like leaving a note, a text message, a voicemail to remind their partner they are loved.
But every couple experiences conflict, even romantic couples. However, it is the pattern over the long haul that makes the difference.
And the couples that are "just friends"? Well, my friend, in my practice this type of couple bodes worst of all. If there was never any chemistry or if the chemist went on vacation and never returned, there is not much hope. No one really understands relationship chemistry. It's either there, or it isn't. Sometimes couples that are very companionable will try living together or even marrying, but one or both will come to be dissatisfied. If there are children, this type of couple may just come to terms with the fact that they are friends, nothing more. However, a sense of longing may just be too overwhelming, and these couples do sometimes break up because of a lack of a sexual, passionate, or romantic connection.
What do you think? Do passionate marriages necessarly burn out? Do partners have to be romantic to keep a relationship satisfying?