Like all of you, I have been reading about and listening to commentary about the Penn State sex scandal and responding with horror and disgust. Just last week, I wrote about the scandal in the Boy Scouts here in Orange County. Now it was happening all over again, on a national scale–not as big as the Catholic Church sexual abuse cover-up but big enough to have many of us asking "Why?"
People seem to be especially puzzled by Mike McQueary, who witnessed sexual abuse but who allegedly told his father, who in turn told him to tell Joe Paterno rather than go directly to police. This account actually doesn't surprise me. It is a reflection of how our culture handles many issues related to sex–with shame, secrecy, and denial. Instead of confronting the problem, people try to make it go away. What happened in the Penn State family is similar to what happens in families all over our country when a child reports sexual abuse to a parent.
When I worked as a child abuse educator in my role as a teacher for Los Angeles Unified School District, one thing we taught children was to "tell someone, and keep telling until you are believed." We needed to do this because we knew that people have difficulty coping with sexual abuse in children. In fact, as I prepared to educate teachers on our faculty about child abuse, I was told to expect expressions of denial. Sure enough, after my talk a teacher came up to me and said, "Is spending time on this really necessary? It just doesn't happen."
Yes, it does–and it needs to be reported to authorities. There should be no sweeping under the rug. There should be no protecting of the perpetrator. If there is a question about a child's credibility, consider how much shame there is associated with sex and how difficult it might be for a child to speak up. Now truly, do you think children lie about abuse?
We, as a culture, need to work to stop childhood sexual abuse. We need to stop keeping sexual abuse a secret in our homes, churches, community centers, sports clubs, and schools. When sexual abuse happens, we need to report it.
As a psychologist, I am mandated by law to report sexual and other abuse. Of all the responsibilities I have as a mental health professional, reporting abuse to Child Protective Services is at the bottom of the list of things I like to do. I hate that the abuse happens; I hate making the call; I hate dealing with the aftermath. So often when I have made a report the person gets back to me and blames me for their problems. Not so. Just because you or the witness hasn't had the courage to make the call doesn't mean that I won't.
I understand the reticence to report. But if you know about abuse, it is the moral thing to do to protect the child, whatever the consequence to the adults. Shame on adults who don't report in order to make their own lives easier. Let's adopt zero tolerance for sexual abuse. Let's not allow our children to become scarred. Let's not put our heads in the sand, but err on the side of protecting a child and make the report.