If you were a sex therapist, just how often do you think you would hear the phrase, "We just can't seem to find the time for sex!" That's right, about as often as you might hear, "Pass the salt." Sex seems to be at the bottom of a lot of couple's priority list, lovemaking a sad second, third, or fourth place to sleeping, talking on the phone to friends, or, shudder, work. Welcome to reason #4 of an article I recently wrote on The Blog Erotic on why relationships go sour.
You decide. You can either be married or committed to someone that is your lover, or your roommate. Lovers find time to make love, roommates find excuses. Lovers like to sneak sex in, roommates like to sneak around it. Lovers like to give one another pleasure, roommates find it in ice cream, beer, and online shopping sprees. With sex, you have intimacy, security, warmth, and satisfaction. Without it, you may have a good friend, but why stay married?
How do you make time for sex? How does anyone? Some couples make it part of a routine–the Saturday night special, the Sunday morning undercover delight. Others are better at recognizing a surprise opportunity–grandparents taking the kids, kids both at an overnight sleepover–and go for it.
But sometimes it does take creativity. If you have little ones that are up at odd hours, try tucking them in early and then making love in the shower. If the little ones are older and can pour milk on their cereal, let them get themselves up on Saturday morning and make their own breakfast while the watch TV.
Or maybe you don't have children, but still have trouble finding time to make love. Can you go in an hour later to work, or come home earlier one day during the week? Can you skip grocery shopping on Saturday afternoon and have a tryst if you're too tired Saturday night?
Trust me, if you enjoy sex, you will figure out how to find time for it. Think: Are you good at communicating to your lover what you want when you do have sex? Do you tell your partner when you want to be passive or active? When you want to have an orgasm first? What you want to have nibbled, licked, or sucked? Maybe the problem isn't time after all.