In my post on "When a Marriage Goes Sour," I name 5 things major problems that cause rifts in a marriage or long-term relationship, especially when it comes to sex. One of the major problems is a lack of education about sexual arousal, or how the body prepares for orgasm.
Sexual arousal occurs when two things happen: you are both relaxed and turned on. One of the things that lets you become more turned on is quieting the mind and the breath so that you can tune in and focus on giving and receiving pleasure. When your mind is tense, your body prepares to flee. You want to relax so that you can stay in one place and experience
lovemaking.
The second part, getting turned on, occurs when you take the time to explore your partner and let yourself be explored. You can explore each other's bodies simultaneously or take turns, do what works for you.
Men: You cannot go for what someone once referred to as "the golden triangle," meaning the points made by a woman's nipples and clitoris, and expect her to get excited. You need to start more slowly, with warm kisses and stroking of the legs, arms, and torso. This helps your partner relax and trust you, so she gets more turned on.
Women: Just because a man has an erection doesn't mean he is highly aroused. An erection just means that he is visually stimulated or turned on enough that blood has filled his penis. Don't think that he doesn't need TLC, too. Take your time to touch his body everywhere, and don't be afraid to give his penis direct manual or oral stimulation.
I know this information will be very basic to many of my readers, but you would be surprised at how often I learn that a couple has NO foreplay at all. Even the most affectionate and loving couples are sometimes so embarrassed or ashamed about their body's sexual response that they hurry to intercourse.
That may work early in the relationship, when there is enough chemistry to get you both excited enough. But over the long-term, sex will stop being interesting. And that's the last thing you want: Boring sex!