I could write on and on about male sexuality, but today I'm going to focus on the fact that women don't understand male sexuality very well at all. Even I don't think I understood it very well myself until I became a sex therapist. Now, about half my practice at any time is filled with men with sexual complaints, and I've learned a lot.
One thing I have learned is that men don't have a lot of emotional outlets, so much of their emotional life gets focused on sex and intercourse. Men also don't maintain a lot of intimacy in their relationships apart from their wife or long-time partner, and the bedroom is where they experience it most intensely.
Women, on the other hand, have been socialized to believe that "All men want is sex!" When a man comes to his partner with his sexual needs, she may not realize that he doesn't just want sex, he wants an emotional encounter. He wants to express his love, and to feel loved.
I have written elsewhere in the past about the fact that some men rather easily separate sex and love, but when a man puts those two things together, he means it. Women split sex and love also, however. They have difficulty understanding that making love is just that–making love. Sex is an avenue for the expression of deep feelings.
In my sex therapy office, women are sometimes surprised to hear their partner or husband make the statement that they sex is what makes them feel loved and connected. And sometimes, too, that helps the woman understand that her partner doesn't "just want sex."
Men, though, who see sex as an act of intimate connection can help their case by giving their partners the type of expression that they need. Slow caressing, kissing, and compliments, plus snippets of attention at unexpected times, make up the language of love that most women listen to.
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