Tomorrow I'll be speaking at a conference held by the Women's Sexual Health Foundation on the topic of chronic illness and sexuality. Not a terribly sexy topic, huh? But with approximately 16 million Americans diagnosed with a chronic illness every year, it's an important one. Sadly, people who are ill often become "gingerbread people," sexless beings who put the enjoyment of intimacy behind them.
But that need not be true. Just because you have a chronic illness doesn't mean that you have to stop making love. It's just that you need to accept that your sexuality may be quite different than it once was.
Chronic illness affects men and women in various ways. It can affect sexual function, as with multiple sclerosis, or it can affect mood and energy levels, as with fibromyalgia. The medicines you take can also affect your desire, arousal, and ability to have orgasm, or the same intensity of orgasm as before.
Masters & Johnson famously said, "Sex is more than body parts and friction," and keeping this in mind is important when considering chronic illness and sexuality. Sex is about intimacy, love, and caring, as well as the physical sensations. If you have a chronic illness, your sex life today may look very different than it once did, but that makes it no less valid or special.
For example, your sex life may now include more massage, more warm baths or hot tubbing together, and more cuddling and holding hands. These activities may be a prelude to lovemaking, or they may be counted as "sex."
You may also find that you need to introduce sex toys to create more intense sensation, or add a lubricant to counteract the drying effect of some illnesses and medications. You may also find that you need to do more planning than in the past. But as I often point out to my clients, just as having concert tickets doesn't make watching a performer any less exciting, so planning for sex doesn't have to make it less enjoyable.
Because the conference is being given in conjunction with Columbia University, my powerpoint and lecture will soon be posted on their website. If you subscribe to the RSS feed, you'll be alerted as to when that occurs.
Remember, you are a sexual being, no matter what shape your body is in. Taking good care of yourself so that you can optimize your quality of life includes staying sexually active.