It happens again and again. Couples put their kids, their parents, their third cousins ahead of their marriage. Then they complain that they never have time for sex.
Do you really want to have a sexless marriage?
Kids don't stick around forever (unless, of course, they are terribly ill or disabled). When the
kids move on, it's just the two of you. And if you find yourself wondering how the two of you are ever going to manage your relationship without the kids, you've got a problem. Unless, of course, you plan on becoming one of those parents that can't let go of their parenting role and try to keep your adult offspring a child forever.
A couple with children has a responsibility to model a strong marriage. One of the ways a marriage stays strong is through intimacy–emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and sexual. You can't have all aspects the same simultaneously, of course. But you can't completely ignore one aspect and expect your relationship to be satisfying.
Sex may not be the most important part of a marriage, but think about the fact that one of the things that sets a marriage (or long-term relationship) apart from a friendship is sex. Without sex, you are roommates. Without sex, you may even be best friends, but you aren't lovers. And unless you both have disinterest in sex (which does happen), one or both of you is going to start feeling a certain emptiness.
Because aside from the close contact we have from our mother when we are little, who else is going to hold you so tenderly or caress you so lovingly? Sure, when your kids are little you get intense physical gratification from holding them close, but it isn't sexual. It isn't the ultimate in intimacy.
So when I tell couples in sex therapy to make their marriage a priority, I mean it. Yes, I am a parent. Yes, I understand that the love for a child is different than the love for a partner.
But your partner is your lover, and no one can really be closer to you than that. Doesn't the person with whom you have the most intimate relationship deserve to be first in your life?
As long as your kids have their health, then they can stand to be a little independent while you tend to your relationship. Children don't have to be permitted to wring every last bit of energy from you every day. And you can be permitted have a love life, just like any other adult.